By Daniel B. Kline
Congratulations people of Egypt. After a mere 30 years of oppression, having your country as the president's personal piggy bank and plenty of religious-zealotry-fueled villainy, you managed to cast aside Hosni Mubarak.
On the plus side, you did this largely through non-violent means – mostly by standing in the street and rioting politely. On the negative side, as a people, you seem more than willing to trade this evil, thieving dictator for another one or some even worse religious nut job.
America, of course, did an awful lot to support Mubarak, mostly because Egypt has always been friendly to Israel (friendly in the way you hung out with the weird kid in fifth grade because your mom made you). Of course, not openly vowing to destroy Israel and actually believing that Jews have a right to not be murdered because they believe in a slightly different flavor of religion are entirely different things, but when dealing with the Arab world an ally is apparently anyone who doesn't openly threaten you.
Though Egypt has long-pretended that Mubarak was a democratically elected leader, the elections had less validity than American Idol voting. In addition, during Mubarak's entire reign the country has been living under “emergency law” which legalizes censorship, outlaws any non-government political activity and allows the government to imprison anyone it wants for virtually any reason
In addition to this specific governmental tyranny Egyptians live under the same preposterous religious restrictions that all Muslim nations abide by. Say a bad word about Allah or make a joke about Mohammed and you're likely to be stoned to death. Make the mistake of being a woman who expects the rights we give a house cat in the United States and, well, you will learn quickly where you stand.
Currently, Egypt still lives under “emergency law” and the military has taken over – the same military that propped up Mubarak and has held an awful lot of power. The military leaders say they support democratic elections in about six months, but getting a military to leave power is a lot like the process it took to get Larry King to step down at CNN.
Though there's a lot to celebrate in Egypt finally getting rid of its dictator, the country's people have done very little to show that they want actual democracy. Democracy means a total freedom to believe things that aren't popular. It also means having other really unpopular things in the Muslim world like free speech and free press.
In a true democracy women have equal rights and Jews get to vote too. In a democracy you can wear revealing outfits, listen to pop music and not go to the mosque. You can also kick back with a beer and a rack of pork ribs while you watch blasphemous television programs.
I'll celebrate Egypt when its people fight for real freedom. This wasn't a revolution, it was a trade – one mean dictator for a few nicer ones who still oppress the people, but less so.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com. You can listen to his podcast or buy his upcoming book, Worst Ideas Ever, at Worstideasever.com.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Basic courtesy not quite so basic
By Daniel B. Kline
Society has some very basic rules which everyone must follow or the whole world comes crashing down. In order to live amongst each other without falling into chaos, we all agree to a basic social contract that involves things like stopping at red lights, wearing clothes in public and other expected niceties.
We might debate all sorts of laws, rules and other aspects of how we interact, but in a few very basic areas, everyone abides by the same rules and some semblance of order exists. Basically, we all agree that if possible we will do our best to not inconvenience other people or make their lives extra difficult for no reason.
People can screw each other over if there's a reason, but if it doesn't make my life appreciably worse, I won't actively do anything to bother you. As part of this unofficial social contract, everyone agrees that certain, let's call them lifestyle rules, prevail.
One of these rules is the concept that if I invite you to a party and request that you RSVP by a certain date, you will do that. Never mind that you didn't ask to be invited to the party and sending me an email or leaving me a phone message when you know I'm at work is a little bit of effort for you, the entire system of holding parties collapses if people don't follow the instructions and let you know if they are attending.
Unfortunately, not everyone considers certain rules quite as rigid which brings about party-planning disaster for the hosts (my wife and I) who simply wanted to take my son's class bowling for his birthday. The invitations to said party, which, of course, featured Star Wars characters, contained a very specific date by which we asked people to reply. As that date passed, only three kids' parents out of 18 had let us know their child was coming.
The other 15 members of his class simply did nothing. This, of course, led us to assume that our son's birthday party was going to be a disaster with almost no attendees. Not wanting to put our child through the rejection of nobody attending his birthday party, we lined up kids we knew from places besides his class.
And then, of course, the RSVPs started flowing in up to and including the day of the party. That left us with a party where we had expected 8-12 kids ending up having close to 20 – a major expense made significantly worse by the efforts we had made to fill the party when it seemed like nobody was attending.
I'm not asking that people start being nice to each other or that we actually care about our fellow human beings, I'm simply asking for the most simple of consideration. If I offer to spend money to entertain your kid for the afternoon, you should let me know by the appointed date whether your child will attend.
If we can't count on each other for something that simple than we're rapidly heading towards lawless anarchy. Since I'd prefer to not be part of a roaming pack of hooligans hoarding gas and terrorizing the few remaining innocent people, I would rather we just show each other common courtesy. That hardly seems like a lot to ask for.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com. You can listen to his podcast or buy his upcoming book, Worst Ideas Ever, at Worstideasever.com.
Society has some very basic rules which everyone must follow or the whole world comes crashing down. In order to live amongst each other without falling into chaos, we all agree to a basic social contract that involves things like stopping at red lights, wearing clothes in public and other expected niceties.
We might debate all sorts of laws, rules and other aspects of how we interact, but in a few very basic areas, everyone abides by the same rules and some semblance of order exists. Basically, we all agree that if possible we will do our best to not inconvenience other people or make their lives extra difficult for no reason.
People can screw each other over if there's a reason, but if it doesn't make my life appreciably worse, I won't actively do anything to bother you. As part of this unofficial social contract, everyone agrees that certain, let's call them lifestyle rules, prevail.
One of these rules is the concept that if I invite you to a party and request that you RSVP by a certain date, you will do that. Never mind that you didn't ask to be invited to the party and sending me an email or leaving me a phone message when you know I'm at work is a little bit of effort for you, the entire system of holding parties collapses if people don't follow the instructions and let you know if they are attending.
Unfortunately, not everyone considers certain rules quite as rigid which brings about party-planning disaster for the hosts (my wife and I) who simply wanted to take my son's class bowling for his birthday. The invitations to said party, which, of course, featured Star Wars characters, contained a very specific date by which we asked people to reply. As that date passed, only three kids' parents out of 18 had let us know their child was coming.
The other 15 members of his class simply did nothing. This, of course, led us to assume that our son's birthday party was going to be a disaster with almost no attendees. Not wanting to put our child through the rejection of nobody attending his birthday party, we lined up kids we knew from places besides his class.
And then, of course, the RSVPs started flowing in up to and including the day of the party. That left us with a party where we had expected 8-12 kids ending up having close to 20 – a major expense made significantly worse by the efforts we had made to fill the party when it seemed like nobody was attending.
I'm not asking that people start being nice to each other or that we actually care about our fellow human beings, I'm simply asking for the most simple of consideration. If I offer to spend money to entertain your kid for the afternoon, you should let me know by the appointed date whether your child will attend.
If we can't count on each other for something that simple than we're rapidly heading towards lawless anarchy. Since I'd prefer to not be part of a roaming pack of hooligans hoarding gas and terrorizing the few remaining innocent people, I would rather we just show each other common courtesy. That hardly seems like a lot to ask for.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com. You can listen to his podcast or buy his upcoming book, Worst Ideas Ever, at Worstideasever.com.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Oh, the weather outside is frightful
By Daniel B. Kline
The polar bear who now lives on my front lawn only seems mildly confused that the North Pole has apparently added a moderately attractive condo development. Add that to the flock of penguins panhandling on my corner and the friendly, non-abominable snowman who bought the place next to mine and I'm fairly convinced we've had enough winter weather to last a few years.
I believe I speak for nearly everyone in the snow-bound parts of the United States when I say more than ready for the snow, ice, freezing rain, freezing snow, rainy ice and icy rain to go away. What was initially quaint and pleasant – bringing about snowmen, hot chocolate and maybe a roaring fire – has now become a burden.
My two-car driveway now has so much snow piled up in it that it only fits once car and the icicles hanging off my roof look like a hazard from an Indiana Jones movie or something that Frodo would have to traverse to get the ring to safety. Driving to work has become a daily adventure and my son has missed so much school, he now wakes up confused every morning.
While anyone who lives in the northeast expects snow, we do not expect an endless barrage of the white stuff that simply piles one storm on top of the other. Normally, we have a bad storm or two, some melting and maybe the occasional icy spell.
This year, we have had a snowstorm every few days capped off with this week's “icemageddon” which left most of New England, New York, Maryland, Pennsylvania and who knows where else looking like a skating rink. My car, before I cleared it off, looked like an ice sculpture and I essentially had to use a pickaxe to get in the door.
This horrific winter – the worst in my 37 years of living in New England – has, of course, coincided with my taking a job that involves both a long commute and a fair amount of travel. So far, I have been lucky enough to avoid flying and have thereby avoiding being stranded in some random airport eating vending machine food, drinking vending machine coffee and desperately hoping to take off.
Instead, I got to spend the beginning of the ice storm in a Volvo station wagon driving from Fredrick, Maryland to Hartford, Connecticut while the world slowly froze around us. When you see “birdscicles” dropping out of the sky and truckers pulling into hotels, that's usually a sign that it's time to get off the road.
Today was so snowy that exactly nobody went to work and I'm spending the day attempting to work while sitting on my couch. And, of course, we're supposed to get two more snowstorms over the next seven days.
This should work out perfectly as I have always wanted to see what it's like living at the North Pole. I'm actually pretty sure I just saw a reindeer being led by an elf through my backyard, though that may just be cabin fever setting in.
If this keeps up my only plan is to walk to the supermarket and buy as many aerosol cans as possible, emptying their contents into the sky. If this is global warming, well, I'm hoping Al Gore has a guest room down in Tennessee.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com. You can listen to his podcast or buy his upcoming book, Worst Ideas Ever, at Worstideasever.com.
The polar bear who now lives on my front lawn only seems mildly confused that the North Pole has apparently added a moderately attractive condo development. Add that to the flock of penguins panhandling on my corner and the friendly, non-abominable snowman who bought the place next to mine and I'm fairly convinced we've had enough winter weather to last a few years.
I believe I speak for nearly everyone in the snow-bound parts of the United States when I say more than ready for the snow, ice, freezing rain, freezing snow, rainy ice and icy rain to go away. What was initially quaint and pleasant – bringing about snowmen, hot chocolate and maybe a roaring fire – has now become a burden.
My two-car driveway now has so much snow piled up in it that it only fits once car and the icicles hanging off my roof look like a hazard from an Indiana Jones movie or something that Frodo would have to traverse to get the ring to safety. Driving to work has become a daily adventure and my son has missed so much school, he now wakes up confused every morning.
While anyone who lives in the northeast expects snow, we do not expect an endless barrage of the white stuff that simply piles one storm on top of the other. Normally, we have a bad storm or two, some melting and maybe the occasional icy spell.
This year, we have had a snowstorm every few days capped off with this week's “icemageddon” which left most of New England, New York, Maryland, Pennsylvania and who knows where else looking like a skating rink. My car, before I cleared it off, looked like an ice sculpture and I essentially had to use a pickaxe to get in the door.
This horrific winter – the worst in my 37 years of living in New England – has, of course, coincided with my taking a job that involves both a long commute and a fair amount of travel. So far, I have been lucky enough to avoid flying and have thereby avoiding being stranded in some random airport eating vending machine food, drinking vending machine coffee and desperately hoping to take off.
Instead, I got to spend the beginning of the ice storm in a Volvo station wagon driving from Fredrick, Maryland to Hartford, Connecticut while the world slowly froze around us. When you see “birdscicles” dropping out of the sky and truckers pulling into hotels, that's usually a sign that it's time to get off the road.
Today was so snowy that exactly nobody went to work and I'm spending the day attempting to work while sitting on my couch. And, of course, we're supposed to get two more snowstorms over the next seven days.
This should work out perfectly as I have always wanted to see what it's like living at the North Pole. I'm actually pretty sure I just saw a reindeer being led by an elf through my backyard, though that may just be cabin fever setting in.
If this keeps up my only plan is to walk to the supermarket and buy as many aerosol cans as possible, emptying their contents into the sky. If this is global warming, well, I'm hoping Al Gore has a guest room down in Tennessee.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com. You can listen to his podcast or buy his upcoming book, Worst Ideas Ever, at Worstideasever.com.
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