By Daniel B. Kline
With all apologies to Tom Hanks and, perhaps, Danny Devito, I think it's fair to say that the vast majority of married celebrity men have affairs. Give a guy a taste of fame and fortune -- really any sort of celebrity -- and most will "forget" their marriage with whatever bar skank points her synthetic cleavage and poorly-drawn tattoos his way.
Chris Rock has a routine about how men are as faithful as their options and, while, I think that's an exxageration, all available data shows that famous men have a very limited shot at being faithful. Despite this, the entire nation always seems truly surprised when another sleazy actor, television personaility or miscellaneous famous guy cheats on his wife.
Perhaps Tiger Woods' infidelity was a bit surprising as his carefully crafted fuddy duddy/golf Urkel image made the public think of him as someone who had sex exactly as many times as he had children. Nobody, however, should be shocked that Sandra Bullock's husband, Jesse James, -- once married to a porn star -- would be unfaithful.
Still, whether its Woods sleeping with every morally vacant woman in the country (perhaps the world) or James stepping out on Bullock with a tattoo-covered Nazi, I'm tired of it. It's hard to imagine a worse sin you could commit then betraying your spouse, yet the public never seems that outraged by it.
We certainly lap up the lascivious details in various tabloid magazines and we all want to know what happened, but in the end, as a society, we seem to treat infidelity as an "oopsie" instead of as a major character flaw. It took about ten minutes for us to forgive Kobe Bryant who had to confess to cheating on his wife to combat rape charges and nobody even seems that mad at John Edwards who cheated on his cancer-stricken wife while running for president.
I could understand our willingness to forgive if a celebrity (or a regular person) had a one-time transgression, but when a pattern emerges it's time to be angry. Woods, Edwards, James and their ilk did not get drunk at the office Christmas party and kiss their cute co-coworker, confess and apologize. They willingly betrayed their spouses, putting them at risk of public humiliation and they did it repeatedly.
We should not let the women in these affairs off the hook either as it might be possible to not know that the guy you met in a a bar at the Sheraton is married, but it's pretty easy to determine that Woods is. If someone has a Wikipedia page, appears in campaign commercials with his wife or shows up next to her at the Academy Awards, it's simple enough to know whether or not he's single.
If you don't want to be faithful, don't be married. I'm sure that having the "honey I really like you but I want to sleep around so we should get divorced" conversation would be horrible, but it can't be worse then when she finds out after the fact.
We live in a world where a Web site actually exists to help married people "have discreet affairs." This particular multimillion dollar business acts as if the problem with infidelity comes from getting caught, not from betraying the trust of your spouse and humiliating your family.
Well, let me say that it's not about whether you get away with it or not, it's about whether you are the type of person who acts this way in the first place.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Prejudice and ignorance make poor prom dates
By Daniel B. Kline
In an attempt to protect their children from the horrors of watching two teenage girls dancing with one wearing a tuxedo, a Mississippi high school's administration has canceled the senior prom. That seems like a perfectly reasonable response to the terrifying prospect of a student bringing the date of her choice while wearing an outfit she felt comfortable in.
Instead of releasing a statement saying the truth -- that it had canceled the prom because of its distaste for gay people -- the school board blamed the cancellation on "the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events." This makes very little sense as a prom usually involves eating mediocre chicken, dancing and dressing up -- not really important teaching moments.
Proms do, I suppose, teach teenage girls how to buy dresses they will likely lament when looking back (pink gowns almost never seem like a good choice upon reflection). I suppose there's also the important lesson in matching a corsage to your date's dress and the even more important one in not stabbing her or groping her inappropriately while affixing it to said gown.
Proms also offer other important educational opportunities like learning how to pick a cheesy theme song and solving the mathematical problem of exactly how many people fit in a limo. Some of the more forward-thinking students might get an opportunity to "study" some anatomy later in the evening, but, in general, "the educational process" has no major role at the prom.
In making this homophobic decision, the school board has not only exposed its own prejudices it has placed on of it students in danger. As if growing up gay in a "conservative" southern town was not difficult enough, Constance McMillen -- the student at the center of this controversy -- now must face classmates who blame her for the loss of their prom.
"Thanks for ruining my senior year," McMillen told newspaper reporters was amongst the greetings she received after returning to school. One would hope that her classmates would turn their anger against their prejudiced school board, but high school students are not generally known for their enlightenment.
The American Civil Liberties Union has filed a lawsuit on McMillen's behalf seeking to force the school to hold the dance while allowing the 18-year-old to wear a tuxedo and bring a same sex date. In addition, area businesspeople including a nearby hotel owner have responded with offers of money, free venues and other aid to help the students stage an unofficial prom.
Those offers show that while prejudice and ignorance run deep, so to do generosity, compassion and acceptance. The school board should never have put one of its students in this position, even if the members find the prospect of a tuxedo-clad girl squiring another girl to a dance repugnant.
Grownups -- educators especially -- should be big enough to set their personal prejudices aside and realize that you must not discriminate against one student no matter how much you dislike her choices. Canceling the prom because a student wants to express her sexuality by bringing a same sex date is exactly the same a canceling it because a student wanted a vegan meal or because one has a peanut allergy.
Senior proms are for having fun with your class, sharing a few final moments together and creating a lasting memory of people with whom you have spent the last 13 years of school. The prom should not be an opportunity for some misguided grownups to push their political agenda at the expense of the kids they should be protecting.
McMillen didn't want to be at the center of a national controversy, and she most certainly did not want to earn the ill will of her classmates. She simply wanted to go to a dance dressed as she pleased with the person of her choosing. It's hard to imagine that a school board would want to stand in the way of that.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
In an attempt to protect their children from the horrors of watching two teenage girls dancing with one wearing a tuxedo, a Mississippi high school's administration has canceled the senior prom. That seems like a perfectly reasonable response to the terrifying prospect of a student bringing the date of her choice while wearing an outfit she felt comfortable in.
Instead of releasing a statement saying the truth -- that it had canceled the prom because of its distaste for gay people -- the school board blamed the cancellation on "the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events." This makes very little sense as a prom usually involves eating mediocre chicken, dancing and dressing up -- not really important teaching moments.
Proms do, I suppose, teach teenage girls how to buy dresses they will likely lament when looking back (pink gowns almost never seem like a good choice upon reflection). I suppose there's also the important lesson in matching a corsage to your date's dress and the even more important one in not stabbing her or groping her inappropriately while affixing it to said gown.
Proms also offer other important educational opportunities like learning how to pick a cheesy theme song and solving the mathematical problem of exactly how many people fit in a limo. Some of the more forward-thinking students might get an opportunity to "study" some anatomy later in the evening, but, in general, "the educational process" has no major role at the prom.
In making this homophobic decision, the school board has not only exposed its own prejudices it has placed on of it students in danger. As if growing up gay in a "conservative" southern town was not difficult enough, Constance McMillen -- the student at the center of this controversy -- now must face classmates who blame her for the loss of their prom.
"Thanks for ruining my senior year," McMillen told newspaper reporters was amongst the greetings she received after returning to school. One would hope that her classmates would turn their anger against their prejudiced school board, but high school students are not generally known for their enlightenment.
The American Civil Liberties Union has filed a lawsuit on McMillen's behalf seeking to force the school to hold the dance while allowing the 18-year-old to wear a tuxedo and bring a same sex date. In addition, area businesspeople including a nearby hotel owner have responded with offers of money, free venues and other aid to help the students stage an unofficial prom.
Those offers show that while prejudice and ignorance run deep, so to do generosity, compassion and acceptance. The school board should never have put one of its students in this position, even if the members find the prospect of a tuxedo-clad girl squiring another girl to a dance repugnant.
Grownups -- educators especially -- should be big enough to set their personal prejudices aside and realize that you must not discriminate against one student no matter how much you dislike her choices. Canceling the prom because a student wants to express her sexuality by bringing a same sex date is exactly the same a canceling it because a student wanted a vegan meal or because one has a peanut allergy.
Senior proms are for having fun with your class, sharing a few final moments together and creating a lasting memory of people with whom you have spent the last 13 years of school. The prom should not be an opportunity for some misguided grownups to push their political agenda at the expense of the kids they should be protecting.
McMillen didn't want to be at the center of a national controversy, and she most certainly did not want to earn the ill will of her classmates. She simply wanted to go to a dance dressed as she pleased with the person of her choosing. It's hard to imagine that a school board would want to stand in the way of that.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
Monday, March 8, 2010
One sign said north, one sign said east, so I went south
By Daniel B. Kline
With the economy failing, unemployment rising and very little good news on the near horizon, I, of course, quit my job. More importantly, I quit my well-paying, pretty cool job where I work for someone I like and respect who treats me like family (and, yes, I mean that as a positive).
Admittedly, my work history has been varied to say the least. I've held approximately 11 full-time jobs and had one major stint as a successful freelancer in the past 17 years. Those numbers got somewhat inflated during my Internet years when the life cycle for various companies were very short.
Over the past ten years, I have held four jobs for three companies. I spent nearly three years as a newspaper editor at two different papers in the same chain, then I spent four working for my family's ladder and scaffolding company and I've spent the last two running a large toy and hobby store.
In each case until now, I left for logical reasons. I walked away from the newspaper world when we decided to have a child because the demands of being a newspaper editor were not compatible with parenting. I left the family business when it became obvious that if the family wanted me there at all, it was not in the capacity I wanted to be there in.
This time. though, I'm not quitting for any quite-so-obvious reason. Instead, I'm walking away from a situation I like to try to build one that I will love. And, I'm also not exactly walking away from one paycheck into another. Instead, I'll be casting myself into the world of consulting, freelancing and commissioned sales.
These are all things that I like to do, but they are also ways to make money while allowing me the time to become what I see myself as. In my view of myself, I'm a writer and a personality, a guy who not only creates a widely-read column, but someone who writes books and appears on talk shows.
I've only succeeded in a tiny bit of that (you are reading this column) and I won't get the rest of the way there from behind a cash register or on the floor of a retail store. I want to be famous -- at least in the small way that newspaper columnists and non-fiction writers can be -- and I want people to read, see and hear me.
Most importantly, I want to take my shot before I find myself looking back and wondering why I never did. The easy path would be to do my job, collect a paycheck and remain safe and secure. I'm choosing the road less traveled because I don't want leave any of my potential on the table.
I'm not a naive kid dropping out of school because his band's going to "make it." I don't expect that magically I'll get a six figure book deal or my column will get picked up by a major chain that decides to pay me boatloads of money for sharing my opinion.
I am, though, still naive enough to believe in myself. Of course, if you believe in me too, and know anyone looking for a pretty talented freelance writer/editor/personaility, well, I'm available.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
With the economy failing, unemployment rising and very little good news on the near horizon, I, of course, quit my job. More importantly, I quit my well-paying, pretty cool job where I work for someone I like and respect who treats me like family (and, yes, I mean that as a positive).
Admittedly, my work history has been varied to say the least. I've held approximately 11 full-time jobs and had one major stint as a successful freelancer in the past 17 years. Those numbers got somewhat inflated during my Internet years when the life cycle for various companies were very short.
Over the past ten years, I have held four jobs for three companies. I spent nearly three years as a newspaper editor at two different papers in the same chain, then I spent four working for my family's ladder and scaffolding company and I've spent the last two running a large toy and hobby store.
In each case until now, I left for logical reasons. I walked away from the newspaper world when we decided to have a child because the demands of being a newspaper editor were not compatible with parenting. I left the family business when it became obvious that if the family wanted me there at all, it was not in the capacity I wanted to be there in.
This time. though, I'm not quitting for any quite-so-obvious reason. Instead, I'm walking away from a situation I like to try to build one that I will love. And, I'm also not exactly walking away from one paycheck into another. Instead, I'll be casting myself into the world of consulting, freelancing and commissioned sales.
These are all things that I like to do, but they are also ways to make money while allowing me the time to become what I see myself as. In my view of myself, I'm a writer and a personality, a guy who not only creates a widely-read column, but someone who writes books and appears on talk shows.
I've only succeeded in a tiny bit of that (you are reading this column) and I won't get the rest of the way there from behind a cash register or on the floor of a retail store. I want to be famous -- at least in the small way that newspaper columnists and non-fiction writers can be -- and I want people to read, see and hear me.
Most importantly, I want to take my shot before I find myself looking back and wondering why I never did. The easy path would be to do my job, collect a paycheck and remain safe and secure. I'm choosing the road less traveled because I don't want leave any of my potential on the table.
I'm not a naive kid dropping out of school because his band's going to "make it." I don't expect that magically I'll get a six figure book deal or my column will get picked up by a major chain that decides to pay me boatloads of money for sharing my opinion.
I am, though, still naive enough to believe in myself. Of course, if you believe in me too, and know anyone looking for a pretty talented freelance writer/editor/personaility, well, I'm available.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
Yes, I do believe in miracles
By Daniel B. Kline
Any footage involving the 1980 "Miracle On Ice," makes me cry. Whether it's the actual telecast complete with Al Michaels chilling "Do you believe in miracles?" call or any of the hundreds of television feature stories produced on the team, just the sight of Herb Brooks or Mike Eruzione brings tears to my eyes.
When that game actually aired, I was too young to understand its impact on our national consciousness. I knew nothing of the Iran hostage crisis or how Jimmy Carter performed as president, but I did know that our boys had beaten the bad guys and that made me proud to be an American.
As the years have passed I have gained perspective and the 1980 men's hockey team has come to symbolize the ultimate in hope and possibility -- the idea that anything can happen with hard work and faith. How can anything we face as individuals or as a nation be impossible when our boys showed us that, for Americans, the impossible was possible?
If the Miracle On Ice had been a movie, critics would call it hokey and unbelievable. A group of college kids simply cannot beat a team of older, more experienced professionals no matter how plucky they are. Reality suggests that hard work can only take you so far and that aside from the occasional lucky sling shot attack, Goliath pretty much always beats David.
Because of the 1980 Olympic team, though, we all know that what seems unattainable can happen. Miracles, even sports miracles, give us the faith to fight against impossible odds and the courage to rage against unbeatable enemies.
Every time a number 16 seed faces off against a top seed in the NCAA tourney and every time an amateur tees up against Tiger Woods, there's always the possibility for another miracle. More importantly, perhaps, every time one of us takes a risk for a dream -- whether it starting a business, writing a novel or anything else that goes against common sense -- we know that long odds do not mean impossible odds.
As a nation, we have always thrived in the underdog role. It's why we did better against the British in the Revolutionary War than we have done in any war where we took on a lesser opponent. As a people, despite our global dominance, we still envision ourselves as the 1980 hockey team -- the underdogs with barely a puncher's chance -- taking on the champ who should clean up the ice with us.
Our optimism where pessimism should be makes us great. Our ability to envision success when all signs point to failure strengthens us as a people and gives me the undying belief that no economic crisis can hold Americans down for too long.
Right now we might be down a couple of goals in the third period and, well, the economy figuratively has a pretty good goalie and a much better team. Still, I believe we have more Jim Craigs and more Mike Eruziones out there who can fashion our next miracle.
It happens every day on a small level where people reach for their dreams and manage to make them work. You, your friends, your neighbors and the people in your community live up to the spirit of the Miracle on Ice by trying to fashion your own miracles despite the odds or the opposition.
Our troubles may have a stronger lineup, but we're a nation fashioned in the vision of Herb Brooks where odds don't matter only hard work, faith and trusting in each other count for anything. Nobody on the sidelines or on the opposing bench needs to believe we can overcome as long as we do.
"Eleven seconds, you've got ten seconds, the countdown going on right now! Morrow, up to Silk. Five seconds left in the game. Do you believe in miracles? YES!"
I'm crying just reading it, because, yes, Al Michaels, I do.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
Any footage involving the 1980 "Miracle On Ice," makes me cry. Whether it's the actual telecast complete with Al Michaels chilling "Do you believe in miracles?" call or any of the hundreds of television feature stories produced on the team, just the sight of Herb Brooks or Mike Eruzione brings tears to my eyes.
When that game actually aired, I was too young to understand its impact on our national consciousness. I knew nothing of the Iran hostage crisis or how Jimmy Carter performed as president, but I did know that our boys had beaten the bad guys and that made me proud to be an American.
As the years have passed I have gained perspective and the 1980 men's hockey team has come to symbolize the ultimate in hope and possibility -- the idea that anything can happen with hard work and faith. How can anything we face as individuals or as a nation be impossible when our boys showed us that, for Americans, the impossible was possible?
If the Miracle On Ice had been a movie, critics would call it hokey and unbelievable. A group of college kids simply cannot beat a team of older, more experienced professionals no matter how plucky they are. Reality suggests that hard work can only take you so far and that aside from the occasional lucky sling shot attack, Goliath pretty much always beats David.
Because of the 1980 Olympic team, though, we all know that what seems unattainable can happen. Miracles, even sports miracles, give us the faith to fight against impossible odds and the courage to rage against unbeatable enemies.
Every time a number 16 seed faces off against a top seed in the NCAA tourney and every time an amateur tees up against Tiger Woods, there's always the possibility for another miracle. More importantly, perhaps, every time one of us takes a risk for a dream -- whether it starting a business, writing a novel or anything else that goes against common sense -- we know that long odds do not mean impossible odds.
As a nation, we have always thrived in the underdog role. It's why we did better against the British in the Revolutionary War than we have done in any war where we took on a lesser opponent. As a people, despite our global dominance, we still envision ourselves as the 1980 hockey team -- the underdogs with barely a puncher's chance -- taking on the champ who should clean up the ice with us.
Our optimism where pessimism should be makes us great. Our ability to envision success when all signs point to failure strengthens us as a people and gives me the undying belief that no economic crisis can hold Americans down for too long.
Right now we might be down a couple of goals in the third period and, well, the economy figuratively has a pretty good goalie and a much better team. Still, I believe we have more Jim Craigs and more Mike Eruziones out there who can fashion our next miracle.
It happens every day on a small level where people reach for their dreams and manage to make them work. You, your friends, your neighbors and the people in your community live up to the spirit of the Miracle on Ice by trying to fashion your own miracles despite the odds or the opposition.
Our troubles may have a stronger lineup, but we're a nation fashioned in the vision of Herb Brooks where odds don't matter only hard work, faith and trusting in each other count for anything. Nobody on the sidelines or on the opposing bench needs to believe we can overcome as long as we do.
"Eleven seconds, you've got ten seconds, the countdown going on right now! Morrow, up to Silk. Five seconds left in the game. Do you believe in miracles? YES!"
I'm crying just reading it, because, yes, Al Michaels, I do.
Daniel B. Kline's work appears in over 100 papers weekly. He can be reached at dan@notastep.com or you can see his archive at dbkline.com or befriend him at facebook.com/dankline.
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